Start with the basics: Over the years of being on this earth I’ve been privy to quite a bit of the fantastical and other-worldly vibes that float around our existence. They go unseen by so many, floating in waves of energy around and inside everything that exists. Hanging, mixing, swirling and breathing energy lines (similar to the aura) or the tiny translucent beads that make up the air we breathe – to which anyone can be trained to see Prana (life force energy) on a beautiful sunny day.
The waves take a lot more practise and in time they can become visual outlines. Yes, I can physically (and mentally more detailed) see this and no I do not have anything abnormal wrong with my eyes, I’ve just perfected ‘staring at nothing’ 😛 – I am to the point that I can feel them as well (body chills, chest restriction or by making me heavy or dizzy for a moment are some examples – no there is nothing wrong physically with my brain)
It is something I had lived with when younger and have worked on for years. Now through accepting that it is actually there for me, reducing the fear that was instilled by it when I was younger, it gets stronger and easier to flip that switch.
Those who know me, know that I am very visual. I dabble in all forms of art from handmade crafts, wood burning, painting, digital illustration and graphic design. Everything in my life from poetry and artwork to anything being described or read to me is pictured in the mind’s eye automatically. I don’t remember ever needing to close my eyes and concentrate to ‘visualize’ anything. I can’t remember not being able to ‘stare at the air’ or to visually plan a course of action by feeling or ‘seeing’ alone.
For the longest time if I couldn’t picture it, it couldn’t be done – not by me, at that moment anyway! I can learn and understand a program enough in one day to show someone the basics on how to use it, but give me math and numbers on the other hand and we’ve got a problem:P However, I wouldn’t trade my very visual, empathetic existence for the world.
That said, I’ve always been someone affected greatly by sounds, or small movements that not many others seem to notice let alone be bothered by. I see now they have an actual medical word for it – Mysophonia. though I refuse to ‘own that ’as an ‘ailment’. I believe, judging by my past experiences – that I have always noticed and was bothered by things that others weren’t – from the more negative chewing, gulping, smacking sounds or excessive mannerisms or bad smells to the more positive and spiritual ‘corner of the eye’ movements, energy lines/beads, sounds or smelling something intense no one else smelled. I enjoy noticing the small bird in the distant tree that moved its wing or the single flower waving in a sun filled field among a sea of tall grass. Because of these ‘oddness’s’ that are deemed as ‘quirks’ and as being overly nit-picky or anal about them in today’s world, I think if they were gone and I was fine with all of the things that bother me intensely that way which to be honest (if you saw them and felt as they make me feel for a day you wouldn’t ever WANT to be ok with liking them) I would also lose the sensitivity I’ve worked so hard to maintain and ‘upgrade’ and to notice those things in life others don’t. Some physical/emotional balance with the negative ones would be nice though:P
From a young age I can remember intense vivid dreams (color, feelings, sounds and down to the point details and have potential to make some sweet storylines…) and even some of the night terrors that plagued my seemingly innocent mind – children don’t usually remember those dreams. I can remember an instance where my body was screaming and crying and looking like I was awake and terrified, while I stood quietly at the end of my bed as my mother laid me back down and rubbed my back until I was quietly asleep again. You can see how this, coupled with a few other fun night time occurrences could result in the previous posts content and not liking the dark or being alone. A lot of my childhood spiritual memories were not the most positive. On top of that I am told that I used to sleepwalk on occasion – as an adult I seem to have switched – from walking around in my dream state to experiencing numerous, numerous accounts of intense sleep paralysis, sometimes 3 times a night.
My dreams have continued over the years to carry their vivid natures and elaborate story lines.
During my teenage years they were mostly what people would describe as ‘nightmares’ but they never made me feel that way. It was like I was just watching a movie that I could feel, about someone else’s life for the most part. I feel like I know or have a memory of what it is like to be shot in the back, shot in the head, beat with a pipe and many other brutal scenarios I would never envision myself in! When I died in a dream, I didn’t ever wake up. I laid there and watched.
All this did was lead me to study dreaming and what is available to me to learn about any aspect of sleeping that I possibly could.
Today I remember upwards of 3+ intense detailed dreams a night. The graphic nature of the dreams seems to have toned down a bit and has been replaced with better symbolism I can understand and they have proved actually very revealing about myself. (don’t get me wrong I still have dreams that make NO sense whatsoever). I’ve had some pretty odd ones where I wake and have someone talking to me in the darkness for a few minutes as I wake fully or dreams that have had aspects literally yelling at me to pay attention – only for me later to find out just how much information was there for me that I ignored – hindsight is 20/20, yes?
Sleep Paralysis: Is a phenomenon in which a person either during falling asleep (hypnagogia) or awakening (hypnopompia), temporarily experiences an inability to move, speak, or react. It is a transitional state between wakefulness and sleep, characterized by muscle atonia (muscle weakness). It is often accompanied by terrifying and unusually powerful Hallucinations (such as an intruder in the room) to which one is unable to react due to paralysis, and physical experiences (such as strong current running through the upper body).
When I speak about sleep paralysis, I am seeing it in a bit different light than what you can read about online or in most books. When I ‘fall into it’ when trying to fall asleep, I’ve moved past the ‘fear feeling’ for the most part and begun taking notes. I can notice an auditory difference in the tone of the room I am in. I liken this to putting your head under water in the bathtub if you have music on or someone is talking to you. It seemed to go into a more muffled ‘lower’ tone. Very hard to describe and it feels to me much like a deep trance state of which I have had success turning into lucid dream and a form of projection. I can feel this one ‘coming on’ and can shake myself out of it, most times I have to get up and walk around to not have it happen immediately upon closing my eyes again.
Waking up into it feels a bit different for me, aside from being unable move my body, I know my eyes are closed but I can see the room I am in as it is OR as a completely different setting that I observe as a bystander. Very rarely do I get the well documented ’feeling of someone on my chest, or stranger in the room’ but when I have I was asked “Hello are you in there?” by a young girl standing in the doorway and numerous other accounts of similar phenomena.
Upon waking into paralysis, I’ve been told a story or situation in my ear, while being able to watch it playing like a video in my minds eye AND hearing the movements or sounds in my home. EX: Being told about a fight between a man and a woman, but picturing it to happen in a book store setting – as if the book store was out in my living room I could hear them yelling and feel the anger and hear them shuffling their feet on the carpet while I am being told the gist of the story from the confines of my bed. I would love to do a sleep study, should I find a way to have this occur of my own accord to be sure it would happen. These types have me struggling to wake up all the way and at one point I snapped out of it, woke up, talked and then fall back into paralysis. It was not fun.
This was just a bit of a back story to hold up articles to come! If there is someone reading this blog and you ever would like to speak about anything you read here, feel free to contact me.
Here’s to the next entry!
Have a great day.