Black Eyes

All I’ve ever talked about was the void. The space and time that makes up space and time. Deep and desolate, sunny and expansive – disastrously deviant, yet politely professional.

Not many people choose to see empty space as a place to grow and fill themselves in with new life. They see it as a pit of despair where lost love once stood or a man made point in time in this linear life ‘before they lost their minds’. Always focused on what they don’t have and what they lost.

I talk about it because being stuck in a body in itself – is a void. You can choose what you do or don’t do within and without it, it can be a sanctuary, or a meat cage. When the glass is empty it is to be filled and re-used in different ways, new forms of thinking, resilience, existence – every moment of every day can be used differently, though most of us choose to rinse and repeat.

The void, the minuscule space between cells, the vast, insane expansion of space outside this beautiful orb – the space between moments and happiness and every thought and action – it isn’t empty. It is void of clutter and full on ability. It may feel empty if you choose to notice only the darkness, but once you notice the space is there, the unchained potential – ‘no-thingness’ has the capacity to have literally everything within it. I guess that’s why they say rock bottom has no other way to go but up… Go back in ‘time’ and pick up your in-between moments that may have frozen you solid, that you had forgotten about, and bring them back to the present to be here and help you now.

Time is suggestive only by humans and even varies by age for how it can be perceived. If I lost my self back in 2009 and haven’t been the same since, I can go back and get that broken woman and show her who we are now. Collect your energy across time and locations and become whole again. No I am not speaking about ‘time travel’. Yes it can be done and is 100% emotionally charged. Mentally and Energetically call yourself back to the now.

I’d like to talk about a different sort of ‘void’ – deep into my darkness peering, if you will. Where I’ve allowed my thoughts to stutter and grow, where I don’t know how to control.

Control is a funny burden. I say this because so many seek it, need it and use it to live. Control is nothing but fear manifest and horrified of losing whatever it is you’re trying to control. It creates emptiness when the individual doesn’t have it and eventually even when it does. When turned inward on the self, the ego is crowned king and it can ruin lives.

Control can kill. It kills in a silent internal manor, or the loudest most crashing of calamities some don’t recover from. Creating disassociated black eyes, vacant hearts and unfocused, scared living. This can result in a multitude of health and life issues. You can’t control the world – and frankly, it is so much more elegant when you don’t try to. Move with change and choices and you’re life and view of it will change with it, no matter how you think at this point.

I’ve witnessed this ghostly disassociated fear in the eyes of loved ones ready to pass from this world. Not a day goes by I don’t picture those eyes.  In my short life on multiple occasions, occasions where I could do nothing but be a simple bystander and try to act accordingly within horrible, hard and relentless situations that were beyond my control. It forced me to drop my own ego in the moment (not the type where I’m on a ‘high horse’, I mean the type that yells at you when you’re trying to sleep at 3am and forces you to worry about the next days activities for 4 restless hours). This also brutally forced me to let go and accept any pre-conceived expectations of someone else, their ego and control in the process. They too had no choice but to relinquish all controls.

Adaptability to change and resiliency to cope with uncontrolled situations and occurrences in life in a graceful, empathetic manor – is major. Learning to be exactly who you are is imperative to becoming the best you, we all start at the bottom. Some of us will learn to fill our voids with roses and beauty of new experience. work toward that exceptional human.

Don’t fall into black eyes.

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