Accepting Change

If you can not change something for the better and it in no way makes you happy – this applies to all parts of life – leave it. “That’s easier said than done, this and that could happen and what about everyone else?” Have you tried? Have you voiced? Perhaps the question is what do you need. Most humans will adapt to their situations regardless of circumstance, but they won’t change it without a fight. When a situation reaches a certain breaking point you have to turn inward and make informed decisions about what you want, and what is best for you. You can’t help anything or anyone from an empty glass anyway, right? It is not selfish to think of you in these times, it is choosing the best for a situation ( be sure to properly plan and outline if others are involved such as children, whom are very resilient I might add.)After trying your hardest to help the situation evolve to no avail – the rest will always follow suit.

Even if it takes months, put your energy into something you CAN affect instead of what you wish it would be and watch how those baby steps evolve and everyone adapt around you, enabling you to see the big picture, larger and larger until you see the path before you- and that path usually helps a lot of people out of a negative scenario. The world goes on regardless if you’re happy or not. Most people just wait for someone else to change it for them and give them no choice – but what happens then? You hurt and you adapt. We’ve all done it ten times over but still fight past six breaking points.

This mindset will help invite more positive change because you are not laser focused on the minuscule negative (which is sometimes hard look past and feels like it consumes your life and becomes who you are -but it isn’t) anymore and instead focused on the larger picture in all the best ways. When you focus on what you can do instead of what you could have done or could be doing, things get on track. This isn’t new age bullshit, this is how life works.

Yeah, it will seem like everything might fall apart without you if you just stop perpetually re-applying the “glue”…but maybe it is supposed to so it can evolve for the better. Short term fixing for a pleasant now – is never the route you should take if you can help it. Plan it, fix it, and if it can’t be fixed by you it is not yours to correct. Bottom line. You did your best and you cannot force other people to change anything.

Everyone has some issues from the past, baggage they just can’t seem to let go…but that isn’t right now,  is it?( if it is, handle it with care) It hurt right? Good. You have to feel the pain, live the emotion to get through it, or it will be a monkey on your shoulder for life.

Learn to live with the past lessons, in your present, and use them to maintain your best life. Some scars you need to stop trying to avoid and submerge and bury – and learn to incorporate their lesson into your life and use it as strength instead of a perceived weakness. Being scarred is not ‘broken’,as I hear so many proclaim – Being scarred means you had (and have) the strength to try. Scars represent wisdom, and they are beautiful.

If we lose someone important to us, moving on from grief feels like we might be starting to forget. It is not letting go of them or forgetting – it is learning who we are without them, and moving from the loss of their physical being in our lives to being able to appreciate their existence and the impact that their presence had on our life – celebrating them every day and the lessons, love and memories they’ve provided us.

Most people need to be to a specific breaking point to change a situation. Living in a certain situation for so long, can make it ‘comfortable’ even if it’s painful. Until the tower crumbles, most humans resist change – but in having ‘no-things’, you have a canvas to achieve anything. 

If you are finding life hard, negative after negative after negative…just know it always has a turning point.  Some people just can’t see the opportunity when it presents itself because they are so blinded by their past or future problems. This is why some might say ‘bad things happen to good people’. You can be a beautiful, strong, empathetic and empowering person to others – but if you aren’t those things to yourself, and focusing on things lesser in that department day after day, it will repeat itself because that’s all you can see. Other humans can help you open these closed doors if you let them. Depression is a hole that feeds itself regularly without your permission – happiness has to be sought after and found and force-fed unfortunately. Speaking from experience, most people who haven’t felt the depth of this pit believe you can just suddenly see the light if you just look. That’s not the case when you feel buried alive. There is no light, no pin hole, you feel you can not have what they are speaking of because you can’t even picture it, this is you and you can’t be any other way – even forget or have no idea what it feels like to be any different. Once someone shows you a pin hole…it will expand, but is it probably one of the most difficult things human mind can overcome. You are not your darkness, the darkness just crowded out your light.

Deal as best you can and see whatever it is you’re battling through, usually I’d say ‘to the end’ but there is no end, forever change and forever learn and evolve and set new goals – it is a never ending life experience if you embrace it. You can only do your best with what you have! You can only think, act, function and give from what you’ve already learned in the past (it may be a new lesson for you or you may be a part of someone else’s) If it is not in your best interest, which affects others close to you, take the steps needed to let it go. If you need help along the way , you’d be surprised the strangers or family members that would help you, if you asked. Either way – another day, another point of view.

I see so many people feeling hopeless day to day, but usually the only thing that is hopeless is not embracing change due to fear and overthinking ( I know all about it, professional status:P), or allowing someone else to dictate how you are accepting things.

You’re 40 and dislike your job? There are many other places willing to have someone with dedication, experience and expertise – go for it! The most they can say is ‘no’ and then you still have what you have now. Want to ask that person out but scared how they will react? If you don’t, the answer is a comfortable NO. Battling relationship issues for a prolonged period? Trying to make it work with all of your body mind and soul and not having it reciprocated? Yeah- relationships take work and compromise, from BOTH sides, but they should not consume your life in weekly turmoil and negativity – life only has so many ways to scream at you – there is someone waiting for you to make your necessary changes and become visible to you. Own your life or someone else will.

The only person you’re cheating by not stepping out of the box is yourself. If you’re scared to change…you’ll just stay right where you are, complaining about it comfortably, wanting a change that won’t be scary and easy and give you all the requirements you list right away – It will never happen. 

This is coming from a very introverted extrovert ( Yes you can be both) with a lot of hard life experiences under my belt and a LOT of self analysis. Any time I was faced with a challenge in my past and I acted out of fear – didn’t take the job, didn’t go on that trip, didn’t try something new – I regretted it later when I found out I would have been perfect for it,  because a similar situation will always present itself for you to make the right choice. As someone with rather consuming anxiety, I can tell you that even when there is a figurative ‘brick wall’ in front of me for the most mundane things, and I feel like I’m standing in complete overwhelming  darkness – heart attacks, shakey hands, and 500 thought tabs all trying to load for no reason, my own mind trying to render me immobile – I do it anyway. there are still things I work on and struggle with daily – but I do my damnest to not let it crush me and take away my experiences. Yeah there are days when it can feel so overwhelming, exceedingly difficult and heavy as hell to cope – I get it – but find strength to do it anyway. I will not let it rob me of my life, my experiences and my growth again. I will never see the bottom of that pit again.

All the best kinds of change will feel terrifying and out of bounds, the unknown is a scary place that opens great doors.  I promise it will never be as hard as your mind builds it to be, and it will have an insane silver lining even if it just meant to quickly boot you to the next level of you.

That said, if anyone is having a struggle and needs a different perspective, an unbiased, non-judgemental, open-minded ear – PM me. I can not be offended or weirded out. I am by no means a self proclaimed guru or would ever claim to have all the answers, I’m still learning too, its what it means to be alive – but I will always try and help to the best of my ability with any experience I’ve had. This offer is always on the table. ❤